Other Lauren~

I just realizes - I always talk of three of my best friends, don't I? Mason, my best guy friend; Hayley, who I can go to with any problem; Little Lauren, the love of my life and my everything.
But I have four best friends.
Other Lauren - she and I met in the second half of seventh grade, when I switched classes (I was moved to the gifted class from the normal one), around the same time I met Mason and Emma (another close friend I haven't seen in too long). She's got light-gold blonde hair and greenish-blue eyes, and when we first met I think I remember she wore glasses. We barely knew each other - she always had her nose in a book, and I was always chatting with her two best friends Mason and Emma (she's also a good friend of Hayley, but that's not relevant). It wasn't 'til eighth grade that we actually started really speaking to each other.
My middle school schedules were odd. Mason and I were in the gifted program, but not in the same advanced math that the other gifted kids were in, so our classes were awkwardly arranged. While our classmates stuck with pretty much the same group of kids all day, we switched around through two different ones. Seventh grade was liek dis:
HR
Core 1: HR Class
Core 2: HR Class
Lunch
Core 3: HR Class
Core 4: B Class
Exploratory

And eighth grade:
HR
Exploratory
Core 1: HR Class
Core 2: B Class
Lunch
Core 3: B Class
Core 4: HR Class

Okay, so in eighth grade I had Little Lauren, Hayley, Taylor, Liza, Jordan (not the one I usually talk about - LLP's ex), and that group in my HR Class. But, as you can see, I had lunch with my B Class 'cause my schedule was all awkward. My B Class had a whole bunch of kids I never spoke to - I knew a couple of them, like Other Lauren, Sydney (someone even more into books than Lauren), and Meaghan (the grade's leukemia survivor) - but no one I ever really spoke to. I spent like three days sitting all by my lonesome and hating life, watching Little Lauren & co. enviously from afar, before Other Lauren invited me to sit with their group of three.
We talked a little, in between books. I had to bring notebooks and stuff to do, but it was a companionable silence as opposed to the painful awkward all by myself. We joked around a bit, but we were barely friends.
Then Morgan started sitting with us - I've mentioned him, right? Funny, tubby guy? *shrug* - and all of us opened up (well, not Meaghan, but no one really cared all that much about her sitting there. Lauren kept her involved, but otherwise we didn't really notice her presence). We were loud and laughing and silly and lunch was really something to look forward to. They were the first people I came out to after Little Lauren and Hayley.
Now, Lauren and I are really best friends. We've not hung out in a non school-related setting, but it's something I'm hoping to happen this year.
Why mention any of this, you may ask? Well, she and Mason and I were having this conversation at lunch today. Mason had been being a dickwad (as per usual) and said something about Sean/Shawn/whatever (Lauren's senior bf) only dating her because he feels bad for her. This was extremely insensitive of him, and really pissed her off. I mentioned how my dad had joked that he paid my friends to "love me," and I asked Mason (jokingly) if he only loved me 'cause he was paid and he said no. "Why would I use the money your dad gave me to buy you cookies?" (Which he does everyday~) I asked Lauren as well, and she said no. "I love her for who she is, not because I feel sorry for her." This was followed by a pointed glare at Mason. I LOL'd.
Gosh, I love my friends.
Anyway, just now as I lay in bed I was thinking about said love and thought maybe I'd give them the link to this blog, y'know? But, alas, I realized I'd feel hurt if one of my friends had a blog about their life and didn't once mention me. I mean, I mentioned her like once without much fanfare, but she's so amazingly awesome and nerdy and lame and fantabulous that I thought maybe an entire post about her would maybe suffice for the horror I have commited.

Love,
Rayy

PS: D'y'know who ELSE stays up way past her bedtime being lame on the computer and then complains about lack of sleep in the morning? MY MOOOMMM~ (*loves Regular Show, then passes out from exaustion* <3) (I hate my mom by the by. Thought that was worth mentioning.)

Eeyup.

Gorsh, it's been a while now, ain't it? I 'pologize - I've been busy.
My birthday was on the eighteenth. Mason and Hayley came over and we made tye-dye shirts and watched Veggie Tales and then Hayley spent the night and she and I went to TJ Max (sp?) andgot me a sexy jacket and some hats.
Then, the fam and I went to SC to see my mom's family for xmas. I got a laptop (which I'm using now), and we got an XBox and Wii remotes and games for both and clothes. Also, lots of giftcards (esp. from my dad's family, when we sent to see them). I finished Fable 3 in three days (though I've still got oodles of side quests to do). I chose the prince, and I'm about as pretty as they come (if you ignore my black eyes/lips >_< I had to save the kingdom, okay!?). I'm married to Dave the Servant and Andrea the Dweller, 'cause I'm a pimp like that. *bites lip and bobs head*
Er, I also bought Skyrim with my Target gift card from my birthday. I'm like level four and get easily confused and have no clue what I'm doing so I'm trying to ignore all of the sidequests until I've finished the main one, y'know?
Lauren got her phone stolen TT__TT I thought I'd mentioned it before but it turns out my last post was about her necklace. Which I dunno if she got. I hope she did.
Well, I'd like to move on to fanfic news! I delved into two new fandoms recently. Ed, Edd & Eddy has some pretty cool fanfiction, and Regular Show is funny as hell. Of course, I already have OTP's for them both ('cause I'm a natural born shipper~ <3), Double D/Eddy & Mordecai/Rigby, respectively.
Errrmmmm... oh! I also started shipping Big Macintosh and Caramel from MLPFiM!! I luuurrve them. Well, fanfiction of them. But it's the same thing, right? Right?!
I also got back into drawing (something I used to do often but don't do nearly as often now). Why? Because I realized how much fun it is to draw Mordecai and Rigby as hoomans =w= I also drew Benson, as well as Marceline and Finn from Adventure Time. Oh! And a half-finished picture of Hatsune Miku and a chick that looks like a combo of Twilight Sparkle and my mom o_O
I lurve Miku. She's so cute. And her music is so catchy.
Love,
Rayy

PS: I HATE FANFIC AUTHORS. THEY NEVER UPDATE. >3< *dies*

Lauren's Christmas Present~

She and I, all last night, texted about how I'm not letting her see this blog. She got all mad at me, thinking that I don't trust her and all this other bullshit, but we're better now.
Anyway, I recently ordered her Christmas present from Amazon~ ^_^ It's really pretty.
{Here it is~}
Why a butterfly? It's this clever thing for cutters - someone draws a butterfly on their wrist and, if they cut, they've killed the butterfly. My Little Lauren has killed her fair share of butterflies (much to my despair) so I thought I'd give her one she can't get rid of. *shrug* And it's really pretty and less obvious to her parents than, say, a heart.
That's all I gotta say.
Love,
Rayy

Hatred

This post has good amounts of deep thought, angst, and whining. Ye be warned.
--
It's not a good thing, to hate. We do it far more than is really necessary, us humans, you know? War, prejudice, discrimination, murder - everywhere you go, you are more likely to see someone frowning than smiling, to see someone getting picked on or ignored than hugged, kissed, loved. It's pretty ridiculous. Why don't we all love eachother? We're all the same, in theory. All of us want to live, to love, to be happy and safe - we're not different. Why do we hate?
That's a question I can't answer. I'm a hateful, spiteful person - all I can do is explore this emotion, attempt to explain it, but can I cure it? No, I can't. Far too lame, I am.
I've noticed hatred comes in many forms. There's violent hate, hate with love mixed in for flavor, friends that secretly hate eachother, people who openly glare - I am a personal fan of hiding most (if not all) of my emotions behind what seems appropriate for the audience. So, I see Tanner, whom I despise because she's a homophobic, discriminatory, hateful, spiteful, drama-causing, complete and utter bitch to mankind (especially yours truly). I could show her how I feel - growl, scowl, ignore her as best I can and hope she'll do the same with me - but that leads to whiny facebook wars and that's more shit than she deserves. Instead, I suck it up, smile, and pretend she doesn't stand for everything I stand against and that we're still best friends like in seventh grade. It's the appropriate hatred for the situation, I like to think.
Then there's Uniyah, some chick who sits behind me in chorus. We have absolutely nothing in common 'sides being in the soprano section, really. I'm tolerant of everyone - she picks on the disabled kids. I'm quiet and bottle up my anger - she grumbles and backtalks and sasses anyone who so much as looks at her funny. I'm respectful and do my best in class - she eats loudly, doesn't listen to a single instruction, doesn't practice, doesn't try, and it pisses me off to no end. But, I'm nonconfrontational, selfish, and a coward. I sit there and ignore her bullshit quietly, hoping (for her sake and mine) that she stops fucking kicking the back of my chair before I flip out!
*ahem*
There's Axel. She's done me no wrong. All she does is sit at the opposite end of the lunch table and be Little Lauren's best friend. I have no reason to hate her, right? But I do. She's loud, obnoxious, fiery, egotistical, and, admittedly, a lot like Lauren pretends to be. But Lauren... she's insecure and scared and depressed and broken and isn't just a ball of arrogant fire like Axel is. I hate Axel. I love Lauren. Could the hatred be because Lauren once confessed that she thought she "liked" Axel? Could it be that I sat there for a week as my girlfriend obviously flirted with her best friend? Could it be that my girlfriend dumped me and continued to flirt with said best friend in favor of talking to me, who she dared still refer to as another best friend? I'm near positive at least half if this loathing is jealousy, but I honestly don't care. I hate her.
There's Jordan, who blatantly ignores instructions and sleeps in class and doesn't get that I don't want anything to do with that. Mason, who thinks I'm a whorish nymphomaniac because I watch porn and make more sex jokes than he does.
Lauren, who doesn't realize that if she doesn't stop cutting I'm eventually going to give her up as a lost cause. It's the last thing I want to do, and the thought brings tears to my eyes, but I'm not stupid. I can't change that which doesn't want to change.
Well, that's all I have to say for now, I guess.
Love,
Rayy
--
P.S: Writing this made me realize how petty and bitter I am. What a heartwarming revelation.

Heyyyy

"Why fake a smile when the truth is a sob? Why ignore that which should burn? Why allow that which should be prohibited? Let false simplicity expire and let the complexity, the tragedy, of truth destroy and excite humankind until there is none left but the righteous!" So proclaimed our goddess, the almighty Ray of the sun and the scribe, and the world bent at her will - plunging itself into transparent oblivion...
--
So. Hi. It's been a while.
I have several points I'd like to address right today. Among them Little Lauren (duh), Axel (whom I will explain later), Annaleigh (aka generation 1 Russia, whom I will also explain), Jordan, and my parents.
Because you wanted to know, of course.
Well, let's go in that order.
Little Lauren, recently, went through a series of depressive episodes. It began with her whinging (British term, BTW, for all my fellow stupid Americans) about having to eat (she's an on-off anorexic) then the next day she told me that she'd cut for the first time in three weeks which is apparently a huge accomplishment but I still fussed at her about it then we had
this super long discussion about how worried for her I was and then things were normal- Then she dropped off the edge of the planet. I have heard nothing from her for the past four days and her upperclassmen friends (well, one of them, that I know of) are starting to worry. I dunno what to do.
Next is Axel. Axel (aka Abbey but no one calls her that) is Little Lauren's best friend/forbidden lover/whatever. She's short with short-short ginger hair and too many necklaces and a huge, obnoxious personality. I kinda sorta hate her.
It's probably just jealousy, as LLP often seems to prefer her to me, and that she's older and all Lauren used to talk about and they used to constantly flirt (though I don't think Lauren noticed) and every time I see her my mood just deflates like a bouncy house when you turn off the fan thingie. LLP's parents forbid them to talk to eachother because they don't approve of the near constant flirting and are homophobic and so many other issues, but they communicate anyway and Lauren gets in trouble which pisses me off to no extent because her phone gets taken away and she cries and cuts and shines and it just makes me so angry- *deep breath* Anyway.
Annaleigh. Russia. She's a close friend of LLP and (possibly, likely) Axel. I met her at Lauren's going away party. She's a little taller than I am (I'm 5'5") with chin length (dyed, from what I've gathered) red/burgundy hair and glasses. She's really sweet and into anime and kinda goofy and funny and she's a junior and I think... I think I might have an itty, bitty, tiiiiiny little crush on her. >////< Which is kinda an issue, as I'm in a relationship and she's recently gotten out of a bad break up so...
I was totally going to give LLP the URL to this blog. That's completely down the drain now.
Next is Jordan. He's been a bit touchy-feely and doesn't seem to get that I no longer want to talk to him. He's been annoying, sleeping in class and getting in trouble with Ms. Stafford and I don't want to be associated with that.
My parents. Oh, my parents. My mom's fucking psycho and ranted at us chillens about my father who showed up and talked her down and there were all sorts of issues. That was a couple weeks ago. Now, she's calmer and my aunt's staying the weekend while my dad takes myself and the chillens to the Great Wolf Lodge.
--
Hey, it's the same post because I forgot to post this yesterday so I'm just gonna add to it before school. Lauren got her phone back and we're texting now, my dad's taking me out of school today between 10 and noon so we can go to the Great Wolf Lodge, and I got new glasses last night. They are fucking amazing, if you were wondering.
Love,
Rayy

FanFiction 1

Hey! I said I was gonna do a fanfic post, so here I am!
Currently, I'm in the midst of putting together Ray's One-Shot Collection, vol. 1 on Google Docs. I used to make them all the time, back when I had my old Kindle. It's when I find 10 one-shots (one chapter stories) and I put them all in one document. They're usually all in the same fandom (Harry Potter or Hetalia, usually). I make a table of contents for the beginning, numbering each one-shot so I can read them out of order. It really is more convenient than making a doc for each individual one, y'know? So yes.
I'll post a link on here in a sec, after I finish~
*sets to work*
Minutes later~
Wait, erm, how do y'all feel about Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter yaoi? Rated M? ^///^ Er, if you're below the age of at least... well... I started reading rated M at like eleven... Well, I'd say 18 to be responsible, but I'm not even 18. I'm turning 15 in December...
I'm such a bad influence.
Well, if you don't wanna read about hot guys fucking, to put it bluntly, I wouldn't download/read/whatever any fanfiction I post, but you can do whatever you like. Just don't blame me for any emotional trauma. And don't let your parents see it.
Ahem.
*gets back to work*
A couple hours later...
Heh, sorry. I found an illustrated dramatic reading of My Immortal (the fanfic) and I was distracted for a very long time. Then I had to find two more fanfics then put it all together... well, I finished, and I'm proud of meself. So yes.
Here you go, if you care:
Rayy's One-Shot Collection, vol. 1 (Kindle friendly)
Well, I'm tired now. I'ma go take a nap. Or read this. Either works.

Love,
Rayy

Derp

I'm getting lazy with the titles of these >_<

Well, today I... hm... The chorus teacher was absent, so the only senior in the room took charge (because subs are idiots and ours just kinda sat there) and we sang random stuff and it was really fun xD
In English Luke (my partner for that one project I think I mentioned once) presented our PowerPoint and it was awesome, then in gym we played mat ball which is like kickball but more awesome. At lunch, Mason was mad at me/us for no reason and wouldn't talk to us or buy us food which left me starving which reminds me of the cheezits I left on the counter and want to eat.
In science I broke my pen (which freakin' stabbed me in the face) and I tried to read some of my favorite fanfic but didn't have all that much time. Lauren and I are texting but I'm not sure I want to respond to such a lame response as "Lols," y'know?
Well, whatever.

Love,
Rayy