Lauren's Christmas Present~

She and I, all last night, texted about how I'm not letting her see this blog. She got all mad at me, thinking that I don't trust her and all this other bullshit, but we're better now.
Anyway, I recently ordered her Christmas present from Amazon~ ^_^ It's really pretty.
{Here it is~}
Why a butterfly? It's this clever thing for cutters - someone draws a butterfly on their wrist and, if they cut, they've killed the butterfly. My Little Lauren has killed her fair share of butterflies (much to my despair) so I thought I'd give her one she can't get rid of. *shrug* And it's really pretty and less obvious to her parents than, say, a heart.
That's all I gotta say.
Love,
Rayy

Hatred

This post has good amounts of deep thought, angst, and whining. Ye be warned.
--
It's not a good thing, to hate. We do it far more than is really necessary, us humans, you know? War, prejudice, discrimination, murder - everywhere you go, you are more likely to see someone frowning than smiling, to see someone getting picked on or ignored than hugged, kissed, loved. It's pretty ridiculous. Why don't we all love eachother? We're all the same, in theory. All of us want to live, to love, to be happy and safe - we're not different. Why do we hate?
That's a question I can't answer. I'm a hateful, spiteful person - all I can do is explore this emotion, attempt to explain it, but can I cure it? No, I can't. Far too lame, I am.
I've noticed hatred comes in many forms. There's violent hate, hate with love mixed in for flavor, friends that secretly hate eachother, people who openly glare - I am a personal fan of hiding most (if not all) of my emotions behind what seems appropriate for the audience. So, I see Tanner, whom I despise because she's a homophobic, discriminatory, hateful, spiteful, drama-causing, complete and utter bitch to mankind (especially yours truly). I could show her how I feel - growl, scowl, ignore her as best I can and hope she'll do the same with me - but that leads to whiny facebook wars and that's more shit than she deserves. Instead, I suck it up, smile, and pretend she doesn't stand for everything I stand against and that we're still best friends like in seventh grade. It's the appropriate hatred for the situation, I like to think.
Then there's Uniyah, some chick who sits behind me in chorus. We have absolutely nothing in common 'sides being in the soprano section, really. I'm tolerant of everyone - she picks on the disabled kids. I'm quiet and bottle up my anger - she grumbles and backtalks and sasses anyone who so much as looks at her funny. I'm respectful and do my best in class - she eats loudly, doesn't listen to a single instruction, doesn't practice, doesn't try, and it pisses me off to no end. But, I'm nonconfrontational, selfish, and a coward. I sit there and ignore her bullshit quietly, hoping (for her sake and mine) that she stops fucking kicking the back of my chair before I flip out!
*ahem*
There's Axel. She's done me no wrong. All she does is sit at the opposite end of the lunch table and be Little Lauren's best friend. I have no reason to hate her, right? But I do. She's loud, obnoxious, fiery, egotistical, and, admittedly, a lot like Lauren pretends to be. But Lauren... she's insecure and scared and depressed and broken and isn't just a ball of arrogant fire like Axel is. I hate Axel. I love Lauren. Could the hatred be because Lauren once confessed that she thought she "liked" Axel? Could it be that I sat there for a week as my girlfriend obviously flirted with her best friend? Could it be that my girlfriend dumped me and continued to flirt with said best friend in favor of talking to me, who she dared still refer to as another best friend? I'm near positive at least half if this loathing is jealousy, but I honestly don't care. I hate her.
There's Jordan, who blatantly ignores instructions and sleeps in class and doesn't get that I don't want anything to do with that. Mason, who thinks I'm a whorish nymphomaniac because I watch porn and make more sex jokes than he does.
Lauren, who doesn't realize that if she doesn't stop cutting I'm eventually going to give her up as a lost cause. It's the last thing I want to do, and the thought brings tears to my eyes, but I'm not stupid. I can't change that which doesn't want to change.
Well, that's all I have to say for now, I guess.
Love,
Rayy
--
P.S: Writing this made me realize how petty and bitter I am. What a heartwarming revelation.

Heyyyy

"Why fake a smile when the truth is a sob? Why ignore that which should burn? Why allow that which should be prohibited? Let false simplicity expire and let the complexity, the tragedy, of truth destroy and excite humankind until there is none left but the righteous!" So proclaimed our goddess, the almighty Ray of the sun and the scribe, and the world bent at her will - plunging itself into transparent oblivion...
--
So. Hi. It's been a while.
I have several points I'd like to address right today. Among them Little Lauren (duh), Axel (whom I will explain later), Annaleigh (aka generation 1 Russia, whom I will also explain), Jordan, and my parents.
Because you wanted to know, of course.
Well, let's go in that order.
Little Lauren, recently, went through a series of depressive episodes. It began with her whinging (British term, BTW, for all my fellow stupid Americans) about having to eat (she's an on-off anorexic) then the next day she told me that she'd cut for the first time in three weeks which is apparently a huge accomplishment but I still fussed at her about it then we had
this super long discussion about how worried for her I was and then things were normal- Then she dropped off the edge of the planet. I have heard nothing from her for the past four days and her upperclassmen friends (well, one of them, that I know of) are starting to worry. I dunno what to do.
Next is Axel. Axel (aka Abbey but no one calls her that) is Little Lauren's best friend/forbidden lover/whatever. She's short with short-short ginger hair and too many necklaces and a huge, obnoxious personality. I kinda sorta hate her.
It's probably just jealousy, as LLP often seems to prefer her to me, and that she's older and all Lauren used to talk about and they used to constantly flirt (though I don't think Lauren noticed) and every time I see her my mood just deflates like a bouncy house when you turn off the fan thingie. LLP's parents forbid them to talk to eachother because they don't approve of the near constant flirting and are homophobic and so many other issues, but they communicate anyway and Lauren gets in trouble which pisses me off to no extent because her phone gets taken away and she cries and cuts and shines and it just makes me so angry- *deep breath* Anyway.
Annaleigh. Russia. She's a close friend of LLP and (possibly, likely) Axel. I met her at Lauren's going away party. She's a little taller than I am (I'm 5'5") with chin length (dyed, from what I've gathered) red/burgundy hair and glasses. She's really sweet and into anime and kinda goofy and funny and she's a junior and I think... I think I might have an itty, bitty, tiiiiiny little crush on her. >////< Which is kinda an issue, as I'm in a relationship and she's recently gotten out of a bad break up so...
I was totally going to give LLP the URL to this blog. That's completely down the drain now.
Next is Jordan. He's been a bit touchy-feely and doesn't seem to get that I no longer want to talk to him. He's been annoying, sleeping in class and getting in trouble with Ms. Stafford and I don't want to be associated with that.
My parents. Oh, my parents. My mom's fucking psycho and ranted at us chillens about my father who showed up and talked her down and there were all sorts of issues. That was a couple weeks ago. Now, she's calmer and my aunt's staying the weekend while my dad takes myself and the chillens to the Great Wolf Lodge.
--
Hey, it's the same post because I forgot to post this yesterday so I'm just gonna add to it before school. Lauren got her phone back and we're texting now, my dad's taking me out of school today between 10 and noon so we can go to the Great Wolf Lodge, and I got new glasses last night. They are fucking amazing, if you were wondering.
Love,
Rayy

FanFiction 1

Hey! I said I was gonna do a fanfic post, so here I am!
Currently, I'm in the midst of putting together Ray's One-Shot Collection, vol. 1 on Google Docs. I used to make them all the time, back when I had my old Kindle. It's when I find 10 one-shots (one chapter stories) and I put them all in one document. They're usually all in the same fandom (Harry Potter or Hetalia, usually). I make a table of contents for the beginning, numbering each one-shot so I can read them out of order. It really is more convenient than making a doc for each individual one, y'know? So yes.
I'll post a link on here in a sec, after I finish~
*sets to work*
Minutes later~
Wait, erm, how do y'all feel about Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter yaoi? Rated M? ^///^ Er, if you're below the age of at least... well... I started reading rated M at like eleven... Well, I'd say 18 to be responsible, but I'm not even 18. I'm turning 15 in December...
I'm such a bad influence.
Well, if you don't wanna read about hot guys fucking, to put it bluntly, I wouldn't download/read/whatever any fanfiction I post, but you can do whatever you like. Just don't blame me for any emotional trauma. And don't let your parents see it.
Ahem.
*gets back to work*
A couple hours later...
Heh, sorry. I found an illustrated dramatic reading of My Immortal (the fanfic) and I was distracted for a very long time. Then I had to find two more fanfics then put it all together... well, I finished, and I'm proud of meself. So yes.
Here you go, if you care:
Rayy's One-Shot Collection, vol. 1 (Kindle friendly)
Well, I'm tired now. I'ma go take a nap. Or read this. Either works.

Love,
Rayy

Derp

I'm getting lazy with the titles of these >_<

Well, today I... hm... The chorus teacher was absent, so the only senior in the room took charge (because subs are idiots and ours just kinda sat there) and we sang random stuff and it was really fun xD
In English Luke (my partner for that one project I think I mentioned once) presented our PowerPoint and it was awesome, then in gym we played mat ball which is like kickball but more awesome. At lunch, Mason was mad at me/us for no reason and wouldn't talk to us or buy us food which left me starving which reminds me of the cheezits I left on the counter and want to eat.
In science I broke my pen (which freakin' stabbed me in the face) and I tried to read some of my favorite fanfic but didn't have all that much time. Lauren and I are texting but I'm not sure I want to respond to such a lame response as "Lols," y'know?
Well, whatever.

Love,
Rayy

Concert~

Well, I had a chorus concert a couple hours ago that was... enlightening. I learned that singing harmony is not my forte *is a first soprano* and that older sopranos are gods like whoa. Also, kinda interacted with "Axel" (LLP's best friend 'sides m'self), got hugged by a stranger, and talked to Tanner for more than I have in a long, long time.
Hm... what else can I tell y'all? Oh! I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this year. My username is "rayrayy" and my novel will be entitles "Chronicles of the Iron Will." It's about gay superheroes. And other things, too, like good vs. evil and friendship and angst and violence and blah blah blah, but mostly about gay superheroes, because fuck you that's why! XD
At the moment, I'm texting Lauren as well as PM-ing her on FP and apparently she was asked to homecoming at her new school by some dude who's also new but IT'S ONLY AS FRIENDS so I'm really not allowed to complain so *deep breath* I'm cool with it. Really. *forced smile*
I love Disturbed. I haven't listened to them in a while, but they're all sorts of fucking badass. Goodness. *headbangs*
Now I have a headache >_< That's why I don't do that. Gorsh. Erm... I wrote a blog post for here in health in my notebook and I might take a picture of that with my beautiful hi-res camera in my sexy smartphone (that I'm currently writing this from) and post it up there. My handwriting is atrocious and I kept scribbling things out but at least I didn't draw little flags and write song lyrics on the sides like I usually do, y'know? So yes.

Da svedaniya, spokojnoj nochi~

Love,
Rayy

Homecoming

Well, the homecoming game was tonight, as was the parade. I went to neither, but whatever. Seemed an okay post title.

I did, however, go to the pep rally at school today. Sat between some of my guy friends (all o' my other friends are in the band and they were busy) that I haven't mentioned on here before.

There's Robert - a guy who's a complete pervert and isn't afraid to let people know it. He's had an obvious crush on me since 7th grade, and we've been kinda-friends since early in the school year (he sits next to me in science and we have gym together). Then there's Jordan (everyone but myself calls him Jay) - this huge football player/wrestler guy who's in English with me and I really don't get how we could possibly be friends but we are. It's weird. I met him at Ignition - a freshman program my school held in early September - when he was not only in my group, but also made a Portal reference (The cake is a lie, btw). He and I have kinda shamelessly flirted for a while which is an issue I will address momentarily. So now you know them.

The pep rally was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. The band was amazing and the cheerleaders were hot and everyone was so full of energy I was... well, Robert and Jordan called it "pep rally tipsy" because when we were leaving I could not walk without tripping. Anyway, Robert, Gabriel (another friend who really needs no description because he's not all that important) and I read My Immortal on my Kindle for a bit before the rally really started, occasionally showing some of the exceptionally stupid parts to Jordan. We all got a kick out of that. Then I gave Robert and Gabriel free reign over my Kindle (which was a bad idea because they found my lesbian porn) which I soon was forced to confiscate. Once Robert had no other distraction, he went back to his usual antics. Trying to put his arm around me, making crude jokes, whatever. It doesn't bother me - I'm used to it, after 2 years.

Though Jordan seemed to have an issue with it.

He was more touchy-feely than usual, also putting his hand behind my back. He batted Robert's hand away more than once, threatened him, hugged me a couple times, and asked for my number. Robert noticed and commented with something along the lines of, "Someone's a bit flirtatious," (Said in reference to Jordan). I replied with an, "I know," shrug, and he was like, "Not surprising, you are hot."

Let me get this clear - they both know I'm taken, who by, and my orientation. Didn't deter them in the slightest, the determined buggers, and it really boosted my ego.

I did feel a little guilty whenever Jordan touched me, though. He's really a nice guy, and is really sweet and cute and stuff, and I almost felt like I was leading him on or like I was cheating on Little Lauren. It's not cheating, though! We're just friends, Jordan and I, and it's going to stay that way. I'm in love with Little Lauren, not him. If anything, I'm only a tiny bit infatuated and even that fades in and out.

*sigh* I'm such a melodramatic teenage girl. Gosh.

Well, later!

Love,
Rayy

Ohai thurr~

Hey! It's Ray!

Been a couple days since my last post, so here I be!

Hm... today was pretty good. Lent Aaron my Ludo CD (Prepare the Preparations) because he's lame, had 15 minutes at the end of chorus to practice with 'im, then in English my partner (some cute-ish, quiet guy called Luke) and I finished a PowerPoint on Sylvia Plath, in gym we played capture the flag (which is the most kickass-fuckawesome game we play) and I was kinda the most badass jail guard ever and then at lunch nothing happened and in science I let this pervy almost-friend who likes me read some of my original fiction (and some random porn I bought a while ago) on my Kindle and I found an awesome new game on my phone called Abduction! which is about a bouncy cow and aliens.

Right now? I'm listening to some of my dad's music while I'm waiting for him to pick us up from mom's (it's his night) and am waiting for LLP to text me back. I'm explaining the awesome that is Sims, which is my favorite game. Portal follows close after.

Is it sad my dad's music is "cooler" than mine? My dad listens to P!nk and loves the song that just came on ("Stereo Hearts") and listens to those hits stations while most of my music is foreign or just plain not popular even though it's 8 trillion times better than most of this newer shit.

Whatever. The world's just missing out.

Love,
Rayy

Hey, yo~

It's me again (like it'd be someone else). Nothin' much to say tonight. I've been meaning to do some fanfic related stuff, but I've got the memory of a goldfish on crack so I keep forgetting. Also, I've been meaning to talk about my newest story ideas. One involves a movie star, one a homicidal-homophobic father, one with superheroes, one with a cannibal, and one with pirates. So yes.

Right now, I'm texting Little Lauren about Southern accents because, sadly, I'm losing my neutral military brat accent for one close to my SC family's and a good number of people 'round here. Also, listening to a song in French because fuck you, that's why.

Hayley's back with her ex-gf and seems to have lost all interest in the amazingness that it yours truly. Which would be nice if she'd text me back occasionally, but whatever.

About an hour ago my mother, sister, and I were watching a movie called Bling Ring about some kids that steal clothes from celebs and it had Austin Butler and he's really cute so I watched it and it was actually pretty good. Which reminds me, I watched X-Men: First Class over the weekend and now ship Erik/Charles as well as Beast/Havoc. I cried when Prof. X lost his legs (both because it was Magneto's fault and because they didn't kiss afterwards) and squealed when Darwin died ('cuz he was kickass). Beast is awesome as hell (with and without fur) and Havoc is fucking adorable and I decided that if that aforementioned superhero story I was talkin' 'bout b'comes a movie, he's playing my protagonist because he's cute and blonde and totally the perfect Iron Will.

Anywho.

Now the song's in Ukrainian. I loooooovvvve this song. "Jak u nas na Ukraini..." <3

Er... I'm tired. I've been lying here in bed since 8 because otherwise I don't fall asleep on time and now it's 3 minutes after my bedtime and - *passes out*

Love,
Rayy

Day Whatever: Sorry for the wait!

It's been a while since I've updated, but that's 'cuz school has kept my busy, y'know? Of course, no one's reading this because I've not given the link to anyone, but it's the thought that counts.

Nothing's happened yet today - I just woke up, like, 6 minutes ago so I guess I can't talk 'bout t'day.

Yesterday was bittersweet.

It was Little Lauren's last day of school before she moved, which she's doing today. Driving all the way down to Florida with two younger siblings, two dogs, and two parents all piled in a car full of shit? Enjoy yourself.

Lunch was very emotional - she said goodbye to everyone, and there were a lot of hugs and emoness and all that stuff.

She told me that she still loved me.

So we're dating again (because I'm a hopeless romantic and an idiot and can never say no to her) even though I won't see her for four years (we're both freshmen). Despite knowing this probably isn't a good idea, I can't help but feel immensely happy that we're together again.

Er... what else? I have health today (which sucks) and a test in chorus (which may also suck) and a test in science (which really doesn't suck because I'm great in science) and another in English (WTF? How many tests to I have...) and lunch is gonna be emo and I really need to get off my ass and get ready for school...

Well, I'll update after school, I guess.

Love,
Rayy

Day 1: New Beginnings!

Hey! It's Rayy! (Ohmeingott that rhymed xD)

Well, a couple of things started today.

Got my new Kindle, for example. I had one, got it last Christmas, but I kinda left it in the floor and stepped on it... so! I have my new one now, and I get to start re-counting how many fanfics I read in a certain amount of time.

So, as of today, I'm in the process of reading... er... *pulls out phone* 10-ish on my phone, and I have yet to put any on my Kindle. I expect to put several of the ones on my phone on my Kindle if they're not currently in progress. In my next post I'll tell which ones I'm reading, kind of as a recs thingie, I guess. I've always wanted to do recs...

Anywho, I also started on one of four stories I've been pondering (Chronicles of the Iron Will, Monster, Scars, & Bring Me To Life). It's the last one, Bring Me To Life (which I really need to retitle, but I digress), which is about an actress that's staying in a small town while filming and meets her polar opposite and, well, you know what they say 'bout opp'sites, hm? So yes, I have that starting today.

There's also the obvious ones - start of the week, start of this blog, start of another part of my teenage life, whatever.

In other news, Little Lauren's moving to Florida on Friday. Thursday's her last week at school. I'm really going to miss her... I feel lonely already. =__=

... I really need a girlfriend. God, I'm such a sap.

Well, I guess in the meantime I'll get back to cleaning my room before my mom kills me and listening to my wrock (wizard rock, aka music about Harry Potter). Then I'll post some fanfic summaries up later.

Love,
Rayy

Welcome! and About Me

Uh, hi. Name's Rayy.

Well, er, I should prob'ly tell ya 'bout myself, hm?

I'm fourteen years old (fifteen in two months and 9 days, not that I'm counting) with short, naturally (cursedly) curly light brown hair and green eyes, hidden behind half-rimmed glasses. I've got freckles and my skin is pale-ish because I hate going outside. Most times, you can find me in my bedroom at my desk on my computer - an old laptop with a broken screen, on top of which is the screen of a desktop and on the sides of which are two speakers because the damn thing doesn't have a sound card or whatever. My desk is covered in random papers, books, notebooks, CDs, games, my stereo, pens, and two phones (one home phone, and my cell).

I have three siblings. There's the Blonde Child (aka Blondie), whose hair is platinum blonde. She's 10 years old (though she acts like she's 7 and thinks she's 20) and pretty much my polar opposite. There's my Squishy, my 5 year old brother with dirty blonde hair and a million watt smile, as well as an unhealthy obsession with the computer. He's never off, and when he is he never stops whining. Last, but not least, is Brother Child, who is actually right here now, playing Portal 2 (again) on his laptop at my desk. He looks like a taller, thinner version of Squishy. He's turning 13 in a month.

Then there's my 'rents. My mom, whose kind of psycho and stalks my dad, is about as Southern as possible, what with her accent and South Carolina roots. My dad's in the Air Force and is kind of awesome. They're currently separated, soon to be divorced, and my sibs and I currently live with our mother.

Alright, now my friends.

Guys first.

There's Mason, my best friend since the second half of seventh grade. We dated, once upon a time, but it didn't work out because neither of us could really think of each other as anything other than best friends. It felt like I was dating my brother. Now, we have gym and lunch together (which isn't nearly enough).

Next is Morgan, a good friend since last year. He's freaking hilarious and knows more about my obsessions than anyone because it annoys him when I talk about them so, naturally, I never shut up.

Then there's Aaron, my gay friend who's got this tendency to get on my nerves. He has this whiny voice and this... cliny-ness that grates on my nerves. He's great, and I can talk to him about anime and yadda yadda yadda, but he just irritates me sometimes.

Now, girls.

Tanner. My best friend from seventh grade and the first half of eighth, who's psycho and homophobic and just an all around bitch to everyone she knows. We get along on and off, but when we were really "close" I felt like I was married, and it wasn't a happy marriage. It's that marriage where the wife doesn't allow her husband to have any friends and he eventually dumps her ass for her best friend. Which brings me to...

Little Lauren. My absolute best friend since the end of seventh grade, whom is more important to me than anyone else on the planet. She and I have a... complicated relationship, to say the least. We dated for at least half of eighth grade (Rayy's bi, by the way), then she dumped me at the beginning of this school year with a whole "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," thing that kind of pisses me off, but she's still my best friend ever and I can bear being just that.

Next, Hayley. She's a pretty good friend, bordering on best, whose obsessed with her hard rock/metal/core/monkeys/whatever music and the color black and My Little Pony (the last is my fault). She's pretty freaking awesome, but we haven't had much communication in the last week because she kinda asked me out (indirectly) and I kinda rejected her (indirectly). It's not that I don't think she's amazing, but... she's not my type. And I'm not over LLP (Little Lauren Person) as of yet.

Other Lauren (not to be confused with Little Lauren), a good friend of Mason and Hayley who I became great friends with last year. She's one of the band geeks (as are Mason, Morgan, and Hayley) and is really down to earth and nice and thoughtful and really awesome.

Last, Stephanie, who I great friends with back in seventh grade. Last year, she was home schooled for no real reason and is back now and is awesome and very, very strange but I love her anyway.

Er... what else is there? We're all dorks and kind of crazy (not including Tanner, whom nobody likes anyway), and we're all really close and kind of like a family once you get everyone together (which never happens Dx).

Uhhh... I dunno what else to put xD

Well, I'll be using this blog for a lot of things. Posting links to my Fiction Press account, talking about fanfics I've read and music I've listened to and games I've played, rambling about stories I'm writing and people I know and ranting about my friends and family and my sanity (or lack thereof) and... it'll be kind of overwhelming, I assume.

Welcome to my mind!
Love,
Rayy